Day 23

After a long busy week, I of course stayed up until 5AM after day 22.  Half because I was catching up on blogging, and half because that's just what I do.  For some reason I refuse to just turn off the lights and go to bed.  I'll always throw on another episode of something and stay up watching it, and then wonder why I'm so tired all the time.  I would blame liquor not being there as a downer, but even when I drink I follow this pattern.  Maybe I should give myself a bedtime again.

On the plus side, even when I go to bed late, I try to plan out at least 6 hours of sleep.  It sometimes changes into 5 or 4 1/2, and that sucks, but normally I have enough sleep.  It's just at far different hours than normal people.  For instance, since I fell asleep around 5AM last night, and I only had 4 1/2 the night before, I set my alarm for noon.  Luckily, my life of leisure allowed me to do so.  There are times when not having a job comes in handy.  It's just very few and far between.

When I woke up at noon, I lazed about as the past week had pretty much kicked my ass.  As I was lazing I realized that the cough I had last night, which I thought was from dehydration and exhaustion, had turned into a bit of mucous in my throat.

So, I'm pretty sure I have a mild cold.

This was confirmed when I went to therapy and felt a little loopy.  And then went to my voice lesson and could make my voice do what it normally does.  Or, I could, but not in the right way.  Used more muscle than breath.  Whatever, I was coughing a lot.  My coach could explain better than I can.

I had packed my stuff to go to the gym, but with feeling the way I was, I decided it was better to head home.  So I bought some fixings for sicktime comfort food; tomato soup, goldfish crackers, and grilled cheese.

I went home and hunkered down for the night.  This doesn't feel like a cold that will knock me on my ass or keep me coughing for 3 weeks, but since I have a callback for a really good job next Friday, I'm not taking any chances.  I'm gonna kick this thing in a few days, dammit.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Dollhouse
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Nyquil (wait, that has alcohol in it, doesn't it?)

Day 22

Today was another early wake up call for day two of my acting class.

For some reason I seem to enjoy staying up so late at night until I can only possibly get at the most 5 hours of sleep.   I think I got about four and a half before waking up at 7:30AM again to head to day two of my acting class.

Day two went about the same as day one.  We read, and filmed, and analyzed.  I thought I was getting better at interpreting the scenes based on the new information and techniques I was given. 

I was wrong. 

Well, not completely wrong, just not right either.  And when he pointed out what should have been the main focus, it seemed so simple.  They were simple, little adjustments that had to be made, but they made all the difference.  The difference between playing the scene and playing the emotion.  And moreover, the difference between getting the job and not.

After doing the scenes and seeing other people's work, I started to realize (which was reinforced by my teacher) that I need to practice a lot more in order to get better.  I would like to take more class, but at upwards of $400 a pop, I'm gonna have to wait until I have a little bit more inflow of cash.

Aside from noticing my lack of/slowly growing technique on screen, I couldn't help but notice how I looked too.  Not terrible, by any means.  One girl even said "handsome" when I was first on screen, and my teacher pointed out that it should be very easy for my female counterparts to play that they're attracted to me.  However I did notice that under the not so great lighting that seems to accompany on-screen auditions as well as this class, the scars on my forehead stood out quite a bit.  I had chicken pox really bad as a child.  I almost died from them.  And they left me with permanent scars.  I've had them since I was two, and therefore too young to remember my reflection without them.  I've grown used to them in the mirror, but it was different on camera. They distracted me, and I imagine they might distract casting agents.  I've thought about getting them fixed and I'm now hoping to find a way to do so.  After all,as we've seen in this blog, vanity and career drive my decision making processes.  Getting rid of those buggers on my head will make me more camera ready.  But again, money is tight.  So I'll research some options and see what's feasible.

I wish I could have gone home after my class, but alas, duty called.

As ICONS is going up in NYC in just a few weeks, we have to start getting the word out.  And just like some of the ladies in our show promoting a new album, that requires going and performing at gay clubs.  After rehearsing a bit at my friends'/producers' apartment, we headed over to Splash for their Katy Perry night.  We were scheduled to do our Katy Perry number at midnight.  Midnight came and went.  So did 1AM.  And as I'm not drinking, the free drink tickets we received as payment were not helping to pass the time.  Finally around 1:30AM I strutted onstage in my small pink shorts and knee socks to dance backup once more for my queens.  It went over well and a few of the twinky strippers seemed to want to get into my pants.  I wanted to get into a cab and go home.  And after procuring some money from my friend/producer, that's just what I did.

When I got home, I fed myself a little and for some reason wasn't tired.  I blame the sugar free monster energy drink and diet coke I bought with my free drink tickets.  So I blogged and kept myself awake until 5AM.

All in all, a good day, with far too much caffeine.  Maybe that will be the next thing I take a break from.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: South Park
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Misc. caffeine

Day 21

3 weeks and counting, well, not counting my celebratory drink and shot.  And frankly, I don't because I didn't even get buzzed from it.

Today was the doozey of a day where I would be running back and forth from audition to class and all in a dance belt.  For those of you who do not know what a dance belt is, please refer to the daily picture at the end of this entry.

The back and forth went well. 

7:15AM:  My auto-brew coffee maker clicks on and brews a pot for me.

7:30AM: (UGH!) I wake up.  Make a quick breakfast and pour some coffee.  I eat breakfast and get ready while watching an episode of Desperate Housewives on the iPad.

8:30AM: I'm out the door on the way to the subway.  I live on 192 and Broadway.  At this time a day it will take me at least 45 minutes total travel time to get to my class at One on One Studios on 27th and 6th.

9:15AM: I get to my class early  in order to explain the situation of my day to my new teacher.  He was very accomodating and explained the entire class that he understood we were all human adults and a two-day, 9 hour/day class is a large chunk of time that we all might not be able to give our full presence to.

9:55AM: I give my presence to a train heading back uptown to 36th and 8th.

10:15AM: I get to Pearl Studios and start warming up.

10:30AM: Two of Twyla's assistants teach me and the rest of the group of callbackers another partnering combination to show Twyla in addition the three combos we already knew.

11AM: Twyla shows up and we begin to audition.  I dance with my partner, not very successfully as I just learned this combo and it's way before my normal risetime.  We continue to dance two other combos and I did more or less just as well as the day before. 

11:45AM: We were all dismissed from the audition with the explanation that they had a lot of things to put together and combine and arrange and get rid of etc.  So I get dressed, squat under the bathroom hand dryer to dry the sweat out of my hair, and pack up my dance clothes.

11:55AM: I grab a double espresso from Starbucks.  (See above re: risetime)

12PM: Back on the train downtown to class.

12:15PM: I enter class in the middle of a lesson, and try to catch up.  After seeing two of my classmates go through a scene a few times, I'm secretly ok with the fact that I didn't have to do that because of my audition recess. Our lessons continue and I become more and more enthralled with how simple our teacher is making all the mechanics of screen acting appear.

1:30PM: We are given our scenes to study over lunch and perform when we get back.  I'm pretty confident that with this new information, I won't be half bad at this stuff.  Our teacher tells us that, with no judgement, that we will all suck.

2:45PM: We get back from lunch and begin to put our scenes on film, and prove our teacher right.  It's not that we sucked.  It's that we were just given this information.  To get the information, understand it, process it, and then be able to use it takes time and practice.  And that's what we were doing.  Practicing and analyzing. 

6:50PM: The class runs over so we can have all of our scenes analyzed.  We are assigned two scenes for the next day.  One to have ready for the morning and one to start thinking about for the afternoon.  Our teacher once again assures us, that we won't be good. 

7:00PM: I pick up some cat food and litter from the pet store around the corner from One on One Studios.

7:10PM: Back on the train to go uptown and study for the next day.

Once I got home, first I took off my dance belt, then I went over my scenes and tried to dissect the script the way my Bob, my teacher, told us to.  I felt really excited to be doing something new and interesting and have the tools to do so.  I'm sure my teacher was right and that I wouldn't be the best at it.  But in a way that was comforting.  Whenever I'm learning something, I usually get frustrated if I don't do something perfectly, or at least very well right off the bat.  But if an expert has already layed out and explained that it takes time, and is more than willing to help us and give us the tools, it kindof takes the pressure off of trying to be perfect, and gives you the freedom to experiment and play until you get it better.

I'm really excited for the second part.  I hope I suck.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Desperate Housewives
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Bedtime tea with honey

Day 20

Today turned out to be a very productive day.

I woke up around 10:30PM to prepare for a Come Fly Away audition.  Come Fly Away is a show choreographed by Twyla Tharp and is a very hard and technical dance show.  It was an audition for the tour.  Given my want to stay in town and ballet never having been my strongest suit, I wasn't stressing about this audition.  I figure it would be good to go in, bee seen, and have class.

Because I wasn't stressing, when I did the combinations given to me, I just tried to have fun with them.  I danced as best as I could and had fun while I did it.  And to my surprise, it worked.  I got past the cut, got past the second combo, was brought back to partner, and asked to return again the next day at 11AM.

I was pretty psyched about all this.  I mean I was keeping in step with some pretty talented guys, not to mention one who had a luscious ass and amazing package.  Not that I notice those kind of things in auditions.  But this audition did kind of screw up my plans for the coming week, not to mention that day.  I was supposed to have a therapy session at 4PM which was when they wanted me back to partner.  Luckily I was able to reschedule for Friday.  And as for calling me back at 11AM the next day, that was another can of worms.

A few weeks ago I signed up and paid for a $525 on camera acting class was was to take place the day the called me back. The class lasts from 9:30AM to 6:30PM.  So a 11AM callback would take me out of that very expensive class.  I didn't want to have to reschedule the class because this teacher's classes fill up quickly and he only has a couple a month.  At the same time, I'm not in a position to be turning down callbacks for potential good, well-paying jobs, no matter how much said jobs don't fit into what I consider an "ideal" jobs.

So with a few phone calls and a bit a finagling, I figured out a schedule that would work for day 21.  I would go check into my class at 9:30AM and explain to the teacher about my callback.  I'd stay in the class until 10AM and then hightail it to Pearl Studios to warm up and audition.  I would stay until the latest, 1PM and then hopefully grab something to eat and get back into my class for the second part of the day hoping to not have wasted away too much of my $525.

After figuring all that out, I decided to head to the gym and take my friend's street jazz class.  I really like taking from him.  I love the movement he comes up with and it's a nice departure from the strictness of ballet, or the frustration of tap, and the familiarity of contemporary and jazz.  Not to mention, it's great cardio.  However, I have found that it really hard for me to hit the gym afterward and lift hard.  And after a lengthy day of auditioning and cardio street jazz, today was no different.  So, I steamed showered and went home.

To prepare for the early morning callback the next day, I decided to treat myself like I was in school again.  I soaked in a hot tub filled with epsom salts, bath beads and bubble bath to soak the pain of the day away.  And I finished the night with rubbing arnica gel on my sore muscles.  At the same time I was trying to ease the pain, I was happy it was there.  I mean this wasn't sharp, injury pain I was feeling.  This was the pain of a hard day of dancing; of work.  This is the pain I love.  It's the kind of pain that reminds me that I do something special and amazing that not all people can do.  And that pain feels good.

No wonder people think dancers are masochists.  We kinda are.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Desperate Housewives
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Bedtime tea with honey

Day 19

Since I fell asleep around 4:30AM I woke up around noon.  And Daniel followed 30 minutes later.  We had planned to take a theatre jazz class at 1PM, but that was out the window.  It was a long weekend for both of us so we spent to morning, once again, vegging.

But I was determined to not let this day be a total waste.  I looked up a daily schedule of classes at Steps and there was an advanced beginning ballet class at 6:30PM.  Just what I needed after a weekend en pointe.  Not to mention a good precursor for an audition Daniel and I had the following day. So, after the internet gave out, Daniel and I got it together and headed downtown. 

The class was ok.  A little slower than I normally like, but I found some things to work on.  In any class, no matter the level, you can always find something to work on, whether it's your feet, core, flexibility or what have you.  No matter what, a class is never a waste of time.

I was planning on going to the gym after class, but the class was over at 8PM.  I would have gotten to the gym around 8:30 or 9, and it would be getting out around 10:30.  So in the interest of not getting home close to midnight, I opted to go home cook a meal and go to bed.  I wanted to catch up on blogging too, but as mentioned in Day 18, the internet was not yet back up.

Daniel moved back into his own place that night.  I gotta say it was good to have him around for a lot f reasons.  Daniel is a fun guy who knows how to have a good time.  He never takes anything too seriously which is a trait I long to have.  But Daniel also struggles with his own issues.  Drinking being one of them.  And while I never fault anyone for their choices regarding liquor (God knows I've made some interesting choices) he does show a drinking pattern I don't wish to emulate. 

As far as a drinking pattern I do wish to emulate, I'm still working on it.  While my foray into having a drink last night proved that while I can have control over my drinking, sometimes I'm not going to want to.  And if that's every once in awhile, that's fine.  But at this point, starting to drink on the regular again is a slippery slope into drunk every night.  Since I don't want that to happen, I'm still gonna keep on the straight and narrow at least til the 30 day mark.  Especially since I'm possibly having a Chicogo callback around the 28 day mark.  It'd be good to keep a level head until then, and (hopefully) have a reason to celebrate.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Desperate Housewives
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Bedtime tea with honey

Day 18

OK, this time me not updating wasn't all my fault.

As I was writing Day 17 on day 19, my internet went out, and didn't go back on again until the morning of day 20!  Throwing me even more behind.  So, since I've done a grand majority of my homework for the night, I'm going to attempt to catch up.

Day 18 started with me waking up pretty late.  My house guest was lazing about as well, as he had been having his own Halloween extravaganzas.  His adventures, however had included booze, so his lazing was a bit more labored than mine.  I thought we would both be content to just sit and stare at Hulu all day until the time came to don our costumes again.

I was wrong. 

Daniel was ready to go again when his friends started the texting.  Apparently two of his friends were already four mimosa's in each, and Daniel heard the siren call of of one of New York City's grandest traditions: Sunday brunch.  Only this Sunday, was the Sunday before Halloween, and so Daniel turned it into a costume brunch and take me along with him.  Being that it takes me a good 2 hours to successfully get into my Black Swan costume, I decided to throw on some black clothes and sunglasses and call myself The Matrix. 

When we joined Daniel's friends at a bar, then dragged them to Arriba, Arriba for my first meal of the day at 3PM.  They all has Mama margaritas while I watched on with jealousy.  At least, that's how it started.  By the time they were through with their 27 ounces of tequila based beverage, they were being, loud and obnoxious.  Granted, that tends to happen when you drink, so I couldn't really fault them.  It's just I'm usually in the fold with them; singing along to songs being played in the restaurant, laughing so loud people outside could hear us, and using all sorts of words and phrases regardless of the children passing by.  Or maybe I'm drunk so I don't notice them doing all those things while I walk along side them.  Whatever the reason, I wasn't having it.  They wanted to continue their night of obnoxiousness, and I needed to get ready for the evening so, we settled the check and left.

Back in the heights, I had some time to kill, so I played the movie I rented the day before.  I wanted something that said Halloween plus unseasonal snowfall.  And all the titles I got to involved the name Time Burton.  And the one I thought was perfect was Edward Scissorhands.

After reliving the good days of Johnnie Depp and Winona rider as a couple, and Diane Wiest as a reminder of my mother I started to don the Swan again.  Thankfully, my room mate Casey came home just in time to cinch me into my corset and take some snap shots of me.  Then it was back on the late night A train downtown to enter the costume contest at The Ritz.

I arrived at with a splash, everyone agog again at my costume.  I ran into some friends who were to become my cheering section.  About 10 minutes after I got there, I was ushered to the stage for the contest.  The prize, which I thought was $500 cash turned out to be a $200 bar tab.  I definitely could have used the cash more, but when I start drinking again, that could definitely come in handy.

My only real competition in the contest was this one man dressed as Winnie Sanderson, the Bette Midler character from Hocus Pocus.  I mean, his costume was only mediocre, and his wig was all sorts of wrong, but he was queening out to no end and had fire coming from his hands.  It came down to me and him.  And in the grand style of RuPaul we were forced to lip sync for our lives.  Winnie, of course got "I Put a Spell on You" from her movie.  A random song was chosen for me.  I felt gypped until the song started playing.  Bad Romance by Lady Gaga, a song that thanks to ICONS I just happened to know all the lyrics and most of the choreography to. 

Winnie was turned into dust.I won the contest and was once again, the belle of the ball. 

After winning, I went to the bar to collect my prize.  And in the interest of this blog, and honesty, I feel like I should disclose that in celebration of my victory and a long weekend en pointe, I had a drink and a shot.  Johnnie Walker Black on the rocks from the bar, and shot of Jagermeister from the owner's apartment upstairs from the bar. 

Yes I fell short of my goal of a month with no drinking, but I didn't really fall short of the intentions that started this sabbatical.  I wanted to stop drinking till I could control myself.  And that night, I did.  I had my drink and my shot and I stopped.  I didn't even feel buzzed. 

I wish I could say the same for Daniel.  Apparently he kept drinking from the moment I left him.  And by the time I saw him again, he was completely gone.  After witnessing him embarrass someone who was allegedly a former fellatio recipient of his, and changing locations to another gay bar, I finally convinced Daniel around 3AM that it was time to go home.  And as much as Daniel's sloppiness was a little annoying, I definitely took full advantage of his legendary drunken generosity and accepted him buying pizza for us, and paying for a cab ride home.

After slipping of my now practically destroyed pointe shoes and using 5 to 6 makeup wipes, I decided that even though day 19 was actual Halloween, I had blown my wad on days 17 and 18.  Guess I should get some candy for the kids.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: South Park
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: (aside from the alcohol) Coke Zero

Day 17

So having those two slices of pizza bit me in the ass this morning around 8:30AM.  I woke up with the worst gas bubble and other GI problems that I won't go into as to not gross out the three readers of this blog.

After taking care of that and completely swearing off late night cheese, I fell back asleep.  When I woke up, I looked out the window to see the massive blizzard that for some reason was happening on October 29th.  And when I mean blizzard, I mean BLIZZARD!  I apparently missed the really heavy wind that I would later learned de-branched a lot of the trees I pass on the way to the subway.  But the snow was falling outside with no plans of stopping until late in the night.

See, normally, I would enjoy the view, make some cocoa or soup and settle in with a nice snow themed movie like Edward Scissorhands.  And while I did all that, it also occurred to me that tonight was the Saturday before Halloween, and I had a party to attend later that evening.  Now this wouldn't be a problem if I was doing the normal gay/teenage girl thing and wearing revealing clothing and animal ears, because with that you can choose your shoe options and I would have just worn my Marc Jacobs galoshes.  But this year, as I've mentioned, I'm going epic.  And to step outside as Black Swan in my pointe shoes and soak them in freshly driven snow would ruin my shoes, my Halloween, and my chances at winning any costume contests. 

I went outside to see just how bad getting around would be.  That and I still needed a few last minute items for my costume that I knew could be found at Beauty 35 in midtown.  Had i tnot been snowing, I probably would have explored somewhere closer, but since 34th street is a straight shot on the A, I decided to just go with what I know.  When I was outside, I noticed the snow was sticking, and there was no way to not walk through it on the way to the subway.  Strike one.  I also noticed that as it usually is when snow happens, it was freezing outside.  Strike two.  And once I got downtown, I realized that on the Saturday before Halloween in the freezing cold and snow, that available cabs were hard to find.  Strike three.

But I wasn't out.  When I got back to my apartment I briefly considered just going the gay/teen girl way and donning my wrestling singlet again this year.  It would definitely be a hit at the gay house party of two confidants I met in PTown.  But no.  I had spent way too much time and more money than I care to admit on this costume.  I wasn't gonna let some fucking nor'easter make me leave it in the closet for another night.

So, after making some last minute additions to the costume to make it that much more perfect, and inviting some friends up to the far north part of the island to help cinch me into my costume, I strapped some Ziplock bags to my feet and the three of us headed to the train around 10PM.

The bags did a good job of stopping the snow from ruining my shoes until they ripped through.  Luckily when we got out of the subway, we miraculously found a cab right away.  Thank you Great Pumpkin!  We got to the party and it was in full swing.  Gary and Miguel's place was GORGEOUS!  Like one of those apartments you see on Sex and the City or Gossip Girl or some other show that displays the richer 10% of the people of New York City, never showing you the hovels us lay people live in.  Huge building on a top floor with gorgeous art and gorgeous views.  And of course a fully stocked top shelf open bar with a gorgeous bartender. 

While I was distracted by the sickening beauty of the apartment, the rest of the guests were distracted by the sickening beauty of my costume.  Everyone agreed that I had done it to a T and that me being able to bourree en pointe was the icing on the cake. 

My friends and I had great conversations with good looking and well off gays some of whom were dressed in very little.  I didn't mind the view at all, but I had a sneaking suspicion that this party could go one of two ways. Way one: Everyone has a good time, gets pretty drunk and goes about the rest of their night appreciating the free buzz they got.  Way two: Everyone has a good time, gets pretty drunk, and realizes that there are a bunch of good looking almost naked gays in the room and an orgy ensues. I felt myself being on the outside of both of these possibilities because I wasn't drinking and I was dressed as a ballerina.  Whenever I'm in drag, sex is such the last thing in my mind, that I almost forget that I ever do it.  But even so, I was hoping for way one just so I didn't have to make a quick and awkward exit.

I continued wandering around the party, posing for pictures, and getting amazing praise for my costume, my makeup, and my dancing ability.  I was pretty sure that my plan had worked and that I had won Halloween again this year.  At around 1:30AM I felt vindicated enough to go home.  That and one of my friends I brought to the party was on his way to wasted, and I thought it best to extradite him before an orgy maybe happened.  I said my goodbyes to my generous hosts,grabbed some Duane Reade bags for my feet from the kitchen, and headed downstairs.

As I was going down in the elevator, I came to the conclusion that an orgy probably was not going to happen after we left.  Some ladies had shown up, and drag queens tend to take the air out of people's tires.  Even ones dressed as amazingly as I was.

As we were waiting for my friend to flag down a cab outside, another party guest entered the lobby to head upstairs.  The guest was Raphael Alencar.  A gay porn star, and one of my favorites at that.  He druggedly said we should come back upstairs.  Maybe I was wrong.

As I got back into my place and took some shots of my costume with my computer, I realized it was the second open bar in a row that I had not succumbed to.  And tonight there would be no cheese to wake my up at an early hour the next morning either.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: The Last Exorcism
Non-alcoholic drink of the night: Bedtime tea with honey