Day 28

Another day of rest.

Having finished Weeds, I started the day EXTRA bored.

After catching up on what little Hulu+ I've yet to see, I started to wonder if it really wasn't a good idea to get a little exercise in my system to try and sweat out the cold.  This whole rest and fluids thing makes me feel useless and lazy.  There was a time where that didn't get to me, but lately I've been in this whole "get my shit together" mood, and it's been feeling good.  Anything else feels like wasting valuable time.  But the age old way of rest and fluids, while boring seems to work.

So I put it to a vote, and my Facebook friends were split on what to do.  Some said keep resting, some said a little sweat could help, some gave me magic potions to drink, and still others recommended liquor.  So, I decided to do what I thought was best: a mild home workout and more fluids.  Being that I'm in ok shape, I thought that even if it wasn't a good idea to work out, I'm in OK shape so it wouldn't stress my system too much.  And it just so happens that A Scott Herman home workout just happened to be on my Facebook feed this morning.

So after a few hours of SVU, and sexting with an unnamed source, I started what I thought would be a mild workout, but it was a little more intense than I thought.  Perhaps because I was sick, or maybe because I've been off of my normal routine.  I got through 2 sets of the exercises and was definitely both sweating and breathing heavy.  I would have tried for a third, but being sick, I wasn't trying to prove anything today.

After the heart rate had returned to normal, I actually did feel better.  Maybe it was just the endorphins.  Who knows?  But I do think it helped.  And it gave me energy to go buy more soup.

Then it was back to the couch for more SVU and fluids. 

At least I caught up on some work.  I secured the models and possibly The Broadway Dolls for my gig at The Academy of Art, I researched some choreography for ICONS and now with this blog, I'm officially caught up with blogging.  And tomorrow, I have a voice lesson, another ICONS rehearsal, and hopefully a trip to the gym. 

And this marks 4 weeks.  And only 3 drinks.  I completely forgot.  Last night I finished Nancy's glass of wine during Wall-E.  It didn't even buzz me.  That's probably why I forgot.  No more till after day 30.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Battlestar Galactica
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Chamomile Lemon tea with honey

Day 27

Under the advice of a few friends, I decided to stop pushing my luck and really try and rest this cold away. 

So today, I stayed in rested and pushed fluids.

It made for quite the boring day.

I did, however, catch up on Weeds.  I hadn't seen any episodes of it in about 2 years and was very happy to find some of the episodes online, whether legally broadcast or not.  Upon catching up on the whole series thus far I've drawn some conclusions. 

#1 - Nancy Botwin is the luckiest white bitch in the whole world, even having went to jail.

#2 - Even though it's a fictional story, if they can get through times as hard as those, I should be able to get through mine.

#3 - Hunter Parrish is gorgeous, and I should probably try to have sex with him while he's in New York, heterosexuality be damned.

Since I had the day off, I decided to cook my mom's baked macaroni and cheese for Casey, Donna and Nancy.  Now for those of you who have never had my mom's baked macaroni and cheese, you haven't tasted the ultimate.  It doesn't need anything fancy.  Just macaroni, cheese, milk, eggs, and butter.  It melds into a casserole that's as good warmed up 5 days later as it is 10 minutes out of the oven.  And since Donna and Nancy had paid for the past two dinners, I thought I should contribute my share.

They absolutely loved the meal and were very happy to have someone cooking for them.  Again, it felt good to be thanked for cooking a meal, something I do everyday for myself.

We settled in for another Pixar movie even I hadn't seen.  Wall-E.  I was really moved by this movie.  It shows a post apocalyptic world in which we have literally trashed the earth and moved to space.  A lone robot remains to clean up the endless amount of trash.  I think what moved me is that, we're not far away from this being a reality, except the living in space part.  If we keep trashing the earth, I doubt we'll develop space technology fast enough to fly somewhere else.  And even if we did, how horrible would it be that we would have to?  It definitely made me want to recycle more.  And made me also think that even that won't be enough.  There are too many people using too much of our resources.  It's like we're climbing a rope to which we've already set fire.  Eventually it's gonna catch up with us.  And we're gonna fall.

Well, enough ominous predictions for tonight.  I'm still on the mend and need positive vibes.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: (null) Weeds on Megaupload
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Chamomile Lemon tea with honey

Day 26

I remember this day pretty well.  Number one, it was only two days ago, and number two I have a calendar to remind me.  Which means I actually had something to do that day.

I had wanted to wake up early today and get to class.  Keep my training up for the audition this Friday, but I didn't.  I'm still feeling sickly, and since I have a rehearsal for ICONS NYC today and the gym, I thought that was enough.

Ah, yes.  We are now less than 3 weeks out of performing our little dinky drag show in an off-Broadway theatre.  That's pretty cool.  But there's a lot of work to be done.  Today I was teacher our white queen from this year, some of our black queen's backup choreography.  Our white queen from this year, Ricky, is stepping out of the limelight or in our case, fuchsia light, to backup dance.  Our white queen from 2010 is returning to the starring role.  Partly because he originated the show, and I also think because Ricky didn't ever want to be a drag queen.  He came into audition for Naked Boys Singing, and we sort of "Paul San Marco"ed him into being our white queen.  For those of you who don't get that reference please read the Paul monologue from A Chorus Line.

Anyway, Ricky is a great study and is picking up the moves quickly, which is definitely a good thing.  This being the first production that has my creative name on it, I don't want it to be shabby.

After some Beyonce- and Janet-ography, I had some business to do.  I finally collected my checks from Model Bartenders and dropped a resume off a men's spa in Chelsea which I'm not yet convinced is not a rub and tug.

After that, I headed to the gym.  I was feeling really run down as I headed there and almost just said "fuck it" and went home.  But I was and am sick of being off my normal gym routine, and was determined to workout at least a little.  So I skipped cardio, and did three exercises for back and three for biceps. 

I only felt mildly better by the end of my routine so I decided to grab some groceries and head home.

While at the Gristedes, I got a call from my friend Liz.  She had talked to me about a project for the Academy of Art, her new place of employ.  There's a holiday party they usually have some models and singers for, and they've been wanting to make it more of a performance this year, so Liz thought I could help.  We had originally talked about some sort of Demoiselles d'Avignon thing, but it being a holiday party, the higher ups were thinking "holiday."

So, they've entrusted me with finding five models and three carolers for their event.  I'm planning on being a model.  Though being a caroler could be a little more fun and clothed, I'm pretty sure I didn't get this job because when Liz's bosses saw my pictures from Broadway Bares, they were impressed with my young, muscular voice.

So, after hanging up with them, and starting to run through my head the semi-naked pictures I've seen of my friends, I hopped the train back uptown.  Unannounced to me, in the same car was Casey, Donna, and Nancy.  I didn't notice them until about a stop away from home, because rush hour kept the car crowded.  We all walked back together,  and then repeated the events of the night previous.  Except this time the food was pasta and the movie was The Little Mermaid.  Again, the ladies hadn't seen it. 

After that movie, I tossed in Enchanted for good measure.  The three of them were drinking and having a good time and I realized that over the past two days, this was the most time I had spent in the common area with my room mate.  He normally lives in his room, and that's his prerogative. But it was nice to have them all hanging.  It felt almost like a home. 

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: (null) DVD of Enchanted
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: I'm pretty sure something tea related

Day 25

For some reason I remember even less about today.  Probably because I did less.  I know I didn't go to the gym.  My workout on Saturday was full body and to workout a muscle group less than 48 hours after I had previously worked it is ill advised by almost all literature I've read on the subject.  Doesn't stop me from working my abs most everyday, but oh well.

I do remember waking up early-ish and making coffee.  And for the first time in a long time, I wasn't drinking alone.  My room mate Casey drinks espresso from his machine, and Daniel didn't drink coffee.  But Casey had bought half and half for our new house guests, so I made an extra full pot for Donna, Nancy and myself. 

They were very appreciative.  It felt good to be thanked for something simple.  Something I do everyday for myself brightened someone elses day, and they thanked me for it.  It was nice.

I know they had a full day.  They weren't out as late as last time but they were out awhile.  While they were gone I went shopping for some provisions and some sick stuff (still have the cold).  While doing that I called and checked in with the parents.  I don't call as often as I should.  I don't even have the excuse of being busy anymore.  I just usually think about calling them at the wrong time.  Or I'm most awake when they're probably falling asleep.  But they're always glad to hear from me, and it's good to know that they're always there for me.  Especially in times when I'm not gainfully employed.  Good to know someone has my back besides just me.

I got home with plans to cook some steaks I'd been thawing, when the roomies showed up and said they were planning on ordering pizza and watching a movie.  Sounds good to me!

Donna and Nancy had never seen Finding Nemo before, and Casey being the Pixar-o-phile that he is was up in arms and demanded they sit and watch.  And as I'm prone to watch things I like at least 800 times, I was happy to join in.

Nemo was fun yet again.  Donna and Nancy were shocked that a kids' movie would have so many scary moments in it.  I feel like that's the point.  Weren't some of the best movies you liked when you were a kid, movies that scared you at least a little?  The Wizard of Oz alone has the threat of dog euthanasia, a storm that destroys a town, a murder by house, an evil witch set on destroying a young girl, a large head of a wizard engulfed in flames, and winged monkeys.  Not to mention, Willow, The Labyrinth, and countless other "kids'" movies that are some of my favorites.  A movie isn't good unless it gives you something to be scared about.  If it doesn't it's not an adventure.

After pizza and movie, I retires to my room as Casey is hunkering down on the sofa bed and generously giving his room to his guests.  So I fired up the iPad, harvested some zombies, and headed to bed.  Probably good to try to sleep off the cold some more.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Law and Order: SVU (I think)
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Bedtime tea with honey

Day 24

OK, I knew it would happen eventually.  I fell so behind in blogging that I forgot what I did on the day after the last day I posted.

I would say that I didn't do anything, but I distinctly remember leaving the house that day.  Granted, it may have been just down the street but I know I did at least for a bit because it was the day my room mate's mother and friend arrived.  I remember helping him clean in the morning cause goodness knows you don't want to look like a slob when a mom is around. 

They arrived later in the day, but I wasn't here when they did.  Ah, YES!  I went to the gym.  My routine had been so off this week because of the auditions and class and Halloween, that I decided to jump start myself with a full-body workout.  Maybe that would help me kick my cold.  I started with some cardio and did one exercise per muscle group.  I didn't stretch at the end as I should have, but hey, at least I worked out.

I got back and bags were there, but no visiting ladies.  They had gone out.

I believe the rest of the day consisted of me cleaning up even a bit more and lazing about the house with my eyes transfixed to one piece of technology or another.  I now own four devices that can connect me to the interweb.  My MacBook Pro, on which I write these blogs.  My PS3, which is hooked up to my television, and allows me to watch my Netflix/Hulu+ on the big screen.  My iPhone 4, which I was forced to get only shortly before the 4S, due to me losing my Droid.  And finally, my iPad 2, which was a gift from my producers for a job well done this summer.  I could have used the cash more, but it's a very fun toy.

The thing that keeps me glued to my iPad most these days is a game called Zombie Farm.  You plant Zombies as well as tomatoes, carrots, onions and such, build a farm and invade surrounding "villains."  I've never been a fan of the online farming games, but I am a fan of zombies, and it was Halloween, so I indulged.  And I think I've finally figured out why people like games such as these.  The planting and harvesting, and earning points, and beating enemies give you a sense of accomplishment.  But at the end of the day, all you've really accomplished is staring at a screen for a certain amount of time where you could have been doing something more productive, like blogging about what you did last Saturday....

Let's move on.

The room mate and his mom and her friend didn't get home till after midnight.  They had seen The Addams Family on Broadway and gotten a drink afterward.  It was nice to meet them.  They seemed like fun older gals who were enjoying a little vaca.  I didn't really know why Casey's mom, Donna decided to bring her friend, Nancy to stay in her son's apartment, but hey, a vaca is a vaca.  And a girls' night out is a girls' night out.  And they would prove to be a fun time.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: South Park (man I love that show)
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Some sort of tea (I think) with honey

Day 23

After a long busy week, I of course stayed up until 5AM after day 22.  Half because I was catching up on blogging, and half because that's just what I do.  For some reason I refuse to just turn off the lights and go to bed.  I'll always throw on another episode of something and stay up watching it, and then wonder why I'm so tired all the time.  I would blame liquor not being there as a downer, but even when I drink I follow this pattern.  Maybe I should give myself a bedtime again.

On the plus side, even when I go to bed late, I try to plan out at least 6 hours of sleep.  It sometimes changes into 5 or 4 1/2, and that sucks, but normally I have enough sleep.  It's just at far different hours than normal people.  For instance, since I fell asleep around 5AM last night, and I only had 4 1/2 the night before, I set my alarm for noon.  Luckily, my life of leisure allowed me to do so.  There are times when not having a job comes in handy.  It's just very few and far between.

When I woke up at noon, I lazed about as the past week had pretty much kicked my ass.  As I was lazing I realized that the cough I had last night, which I thought was from dehydration and exhaustion, had turned into a bit of mucous in my throat.

So, I'm pretty sure I have a mild cold.

This was confirmed when I went to therapy and felt a little loopy.  And then went to my voice lesson and could make my voice do what it normally does.  Or, I could, but not in the right way.  Used more muscle than breath.  Whatever, I was coughing a lot.  My coach could explain better than I can.

I had packed my stuff to go to the gym, but with feeling the way I was, I decided it was better to head home.  So I bought some fixings for sicktime comfort food; tomato soup, goldfish crackers, and grilled cheese.

I went home and hunkered down for the night.  This doesn't feel like a cold that will knock me on my ass or keep me coughing for 3 weeks, but since I have a callback for a really good job next Friday, I'm not taking any chances.  I'm gonna kick this thing in a few days, dammit.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Dollhouse
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Nyquil (wait, that has alcohol in it, doesn't it?)

Day 22

Today was another early wake up call for day two of my acting class.

For some reason I seem to enjoy staying up so late at night until I can only possibly get at the most 5 hours of sleep.   I think I got about four and a half before waking up at 7:30AM again to head to day two of my acting class.

Day two went about the same as day one.  We read, and filmed, and analyzed.  I thought I was getting better at interpreting the scenes based on the new information and techniques I was given. 

I was wrong. 

Well, not completely wrong, just not right either.  And when he pointed out what should have been the main focus, it seemed so simple.  They were simple, little adjustments that had to be made, but they made all the difference.  The difference between playing the scene and playing the emotion.  And moreover, the difference between getting the job and not.

After doing the scenes and seeing other people's work, I started to realize (which was reinforced by my teacher) that I need to practice a lot more in order to get better.  I would like to take more class, but at upwards of $400 a pop, I'm gonna have to wait until I have a little bit more inflow of cash.

Aside from noticing my lack of/slowly growing technique on screen, I couldn't help but notice how I looked too.  Not terrible, by any means.  One girl even said "handsome" when I was first on screen, and my teacher pointed out that it should be very easy for my female counterparts to play that they're attracted to me.  However I did notice that under the not so great lighting that seems to accompany on-screen auditions as well as this class, the scars on my forehead stood out quite a bit.  I had chicken pox really bad as a child.  I almost died from them.  And they left me with permanent scars.  I've had them since I was two, and therefore too young to remember my reflection without them.  I've grown used to them in the mirror, but it was different on camera. They distracted me, and I imagine they might distract casting agents.  I've thought about getting them fixed and I'm now hoping to find a way to do so.  After all,as we've seen in this blog, vanity and career drive my decision making processes.  Getting rid of those buggers on my head will make me more camera ready.  But again, money is tight.  So I'll research some options and see what's feasible.

I wish I could have gone home after my class, but alas, duty called.

As ICONS is going up in NYC in just a few weeks, we have to start getting the word out.  And just like some of the ladies in our show promoting a new album, that requires going and performing at gay clubs.  After rehearsing a bit at my friends'/producers' apartment, we headed over to Splash for their Katy Perry night.  We were scheduled to do our Katy Perry number at midnight.  Midnight came and went.  So did 1AM.  And as I'm not drinking, the free drink tickets we received as payment were not helping to pass the time.  Finally around 1:30AM I strutted onstage in my small pink shorts and knee socks to dance backup once more for my queens.  It went over well and a few of the twinky strippers seemed to want to get into my pants.  I wanted to get into a cab and go home.  And after procuring some money from my friend/producer, that's just what I did.

When I got home, I fed myself a little and for some reason wasn't tired.  I blame the sugar free monster energy drink and diet coke I bought with my free drink tickets.  So I blogged and kept myself awake until 5AM.

All in all, a good day, with far too much caffeine.  Maybe that will be the next thing I take a break from.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: South Park
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Misc. caffeine

Day 21

3 weeks and counting, well, not counting my celebratory drink and shot.  And frankly, I don't because I didn't even get buzzed from it.

Today was the doozey of a day where I would be running back and forth from audition to class and all in a dance belt.  For those of you who do not know what a dance belt is, please refer to the daily picture at the end of this entry.

The back and forth went well. 

7:15AM:  My auto-brew coffee maker clicks on and brews a pot for me.

7:30AM: (UGH!) I wake up.  Make a quick breakfast and pour some coffee.  I eat breakfast and get ready while watching an episode of Desperate Housewives on the iPad.

8:30AM: I'm out the door on the way to the subway.  I live on 192 and Broadway.  At this time a day it will take me at least 45 minutes total travel time to get to my class at One on One Studios on 27th and 6th.

9:15AM: I get to my class early  in order to explain the situation of my day to my new teacher.  He was very accomodating and explained the entire class that he understood we were all human adults and a two-day, 9 hour/day class is a large chunk of time that we all might not be able to give our full presence to.

9:55AM: I give my presence to a train heading back uptown to 36th and 8th.

10:15AM: I get to Pearl Studios and start warming up.

10:30AM: Two of Twyla's assistants teach me and the rest of the group of callbackers another partnering combination to show Twyla in addition the three combos we already knew.

11AM: Twyla shows up and we begin to audition.  I dance with my partner, not very successfully as I just learned this combo and it's way before my normal risetime.  We continue to dance two other combos and I did more or less just as well as the day before. 

11:45AM: We were all dismissed from the audition with the explanation that they had a lot of things to put together and combine and arrange and get rid of etc.  So I get dressed, squat under the bathroom hand dryer to dry the sweat out of my hair, and pack up my dance clothes.

11:55AM: I grab a double espresso from Starbucks.  (See above re: risetime)

12PM: Back on the train downtown to class.

12:15PM: I enter class in the middle of a lesson, and try to catch up.  After seeing two of my classmates go through a scene a few times, I'm secretly ok with the fact that I didn't have to do that because of my audition recess. Our lessons continue and I become more and more enthralled with how simple our teacher is making all the mechanics of screen acting appear.

1:30PM: We are given our scenes to study over lunch and perform when we get back.  I'm pretty confident that with this new information, I won't be half bad at this stuff.  Our teacher tells us that, with no judgement, that we will all suck.

2:45PM: We get back from lunch and begin to put our scenes on film, and prove our teacher right.  It's not that we sucked.  It's that we were just given this information.  To get the information, understand it, process it, and then be able to use it takes time and practice.  And that's what we were doing.  Practicing and analyzing. 

6:50PM: The class runs over so we can have all of our scenes analyzed.  We are assigned two scenes for the next day.  One to have ready for the morning and one to start thinking about for the afternoon.  Our teacher once again assures us, that we won't be good. 

7:00PM: I pick up some cat food and litter from the pet store around the corner from One on One Studios.

7:10PM: Back on the train to go uptown and study for the next day.

Once I got home, first I took off my dance belt, then I went over my scenes and tried to dissect the script the way my Bob, my teacher, told us to.  I felt really excited to be doing something new and interesting and have the tools to do so.  I'm sure my teacher was right and that I wouldn't be the best at it.  But in a way that was comforting.  Whenever I'm learning something, I usually get frustrated if I don't do something perfectly, or at least very well right off the bat.  But if an expert has already layed out and explained that it takes time, and is more than willing to help us and give us the tools, it kindof takes the pressure off of trying to be perfect, and gives you the freedom to experiment and play until you get it better.

I'm really excited for the second part.  I hope I suck.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Desperate Housewives
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Bedtime tea with honey

Day 20

Today turned out to be a very productive day.

I woke up around 10:30PM to prepare for a Come Fly Away audition.  Come Fly Away is a show choreographed by Twyla Tharp and is a very hard and technical dance show.  It was an audition for the tour.  Given my want to stay in town and ballet never having been my strongest suit, I wasn't stressing about this audition.  I figure it would be good to go in, bee seen, and have class.

Because I wasn't stressing, when I did the combinations given to me, I just tried to have fun with them.  I danced as best as I could and had fun while I did it.  And to my surprise, it worked.  I got past the cut, got past the second combo, was brought back to partner, and asked to return again the next day at 11AM.

I was pretty psyched about all this.  I mean I was keeping in step with some pretty talented guys, not to mention one who had a luscious ass and amazing package.  Not that I notice those kind of things in auditions.  But this audition did kind of screw up my plans for the coming week, not to mention that day.  I was supposed to have a therapy session at 4PM which was when they wanted me back to partner.  Luckily I was able to reschedule for Friday.  And as for calling me back at 11AM the next day, that was another can of worms.

A few weeks ago I signed up and paid for a $525 on camera acting class was was to take place the day the called me back. The class lasts from 9:30AM to 6:30PM.  So a 11AM callback would take me out of that very expensive class.  I didn't want to have to reschedule the class because this teacher's classes fill up quickly and he only has a couple a month.  At the same time, I'm not in a position to be turning down callbacks for potential good, well-paying jobs, no matter how much said jobs don't fit into what I consider an "ideal" jobs.

So with a few phone calls and a bit a finagling, I figured out a schedule that would work for day 21.  I would go check into my class at 9:30AM and explain to the teacher about my callback.  I'd stay in the class until 10AM and then hightail it to Pearl Studios to warm up and audition.  I would stay until the latest, 1PM and then hopefully grab something to eat and get back into my class for the second part of the day hoping to not have wasted away too much of my $525.

After figuring all that out, I decided to head to the gym and take my friend's street jazz class.  I really like taking from him.  I love the movement he comes up with and it's a nice departure from the strictness of ballet, or the frustration of tap, and the familiarity of contemporary and jazz.  Not to mention, it's great cardio.  However, I have found that it really hard for me to hit the gym afterward and lift hard.  And after a lengthy day of auditioning and cardio street jazz, today was no different.  So, I steamed showered and went home.

To prepare for the early morning callback the next day, I decided to treat myself like I was in school again.  I soaked in a hot tub filled with epsom salts, bath beads and bubble bath to soak the pain of the day away.  And I finished the night with rubbing arnica gel on my sore muscles.  At the same time I was trying to ease the pain, I was happy it was there.  I mean this wasn't sharp, injury pain I was feeling.  This was the pain of a hard day of dancing; of work.  This is the pain I love.  It's the kind of pain that reminds me that I do something special and amazing that not all people can do.  And that pain feels good.

No wonder people think dancers are masochists.  We kinda are.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Desperate Housewives
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Bedtime tea with honey

Day 19

Since I fell asleep around 4:30AM I woke up around noon.  And Daniel followed 30 minutes later.  We had planned to take a theatre jazz class at 1PM, but that was out the window.  It was a long weekend for both of us so we spent to morning, once again, vegging.

But I was determined to not let this day be a total waste.  I looked up a daily schedule of classes at Steps and there was an advanced beginning ballet class at 6:30PM.  Just what I needed after a weekend en pointe.  Not to mention a good precursor for an audition Daniel and I had the following day. So, after the internet gave out, Daniel and I got it together and headed downtown. 

The class was ok.  A little slower than I normally like, but I found some things to work on.  In any class, no matter the level, you can always find something to work on, whether it's your feet, core, flexibility or what have you.  No matter what, a class is never a waste of time.

I was planning on going to the gym after class, but the class was over at 8PM.  I would have gotten to the gym around 8:30 or 9, and it would be getting out around 10:30.  So in the interest of not getting home close to midnight, I opted to go home cook a meal and go to bed.  I wanted to catch up on blogging too, but as mentioned in Day 18, the internet was not yet back up.

Daniel moved back into his own place that night.  I gotta say it was good to have him around for a lot f reasons.  Daniel is a fun guy who knows how to have a good time.  He never takes anything too seriously which is a trait I long to have.  But Daniel also struggles with his own issues.  Drinking being one of them.  And while I never fault anyone for their choices regarding liquor (God knows I've made some interesting choices) he does show a drinking pattern I don't wish to emulate. 

As far as a drinking pattern I do wish to emulate, I'm still working on it.  While my foray into having a drink last night proved that while I can have control over my drinking, sometimes I'm not going to want to.  And if that's every once in awhile, that's fine.  But at this point, starting to drink on the regular again is a slippery slope into drunk every night.  Since I don't want that to happen, I'm still gonna keep on the straight and narrow at least til the 30 day mark.  Especially since I'm possibly having a Chicogo callback around the 28 day mark.  It'd be good to keep a level head until then, and (hopefully) have a reason to celebrate.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Desperate Housewives
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Bedtime tea with honey

Day 18

OK, this time me not updating wasn't all my fault.

As I was writing Day 17 on day 19, my internet went out, and didn't go back on again until the morning of day 20!  Throwing me even more behind.  So, since I've done a grand majority of my homework for the night, I'm going to attempt to catch up.

Day 18 started with me waking up pretty late.  My house guest was lazing about as well, as he had been having his own Halloween extravaganzas.  His adventures, however had included booze, so his lazing was a bit more labored than mine.  I thought we would both be content to just sit and stare at Hulu all day until the time came to don our costumes again.

I was wrong. 

Daniel was ready to go again when his friends started the texting.  Apparently two of his friends were already four mimosa's in each, and Daniel heard the siren call of of one of New York City's grandest traditions: Sunday brunch.  Only this Sunday, was the Sunday before Halloween, and so Daniel turned it into a costume brunch and take me along with him.  Being that it takes me a good 2 hours to successfully get into my Black Swan costume, I decided to throw on some black clothes and sunglasses and call myself The Matrix. 

When we joined Daniel's friends at a bar, then dragged them to Arriba, Arriba for my first meal of the day at 3PM.  They all has Mama margaritas while I watched on with jealousy.  At least, that's how it started.  By the time they were through with their 27 ounces of tequila based beverage, they were being, loud and obnoxious.  Granted, that tends to happen when you drink, so I couldn't really fault them.  It's just I'm usually in the fold with them; singing along to songs being played in the restaurant, laughing so loud people outside could hear us, and using all sorts of words and phrases regardless of the children passing by.  Or maybe I'm drunk so I don't notice them doing all those things while I walk along side them.  Whatever the reason, I wasn't having it.  They wanted to continue their night of obnoxiousness, and I needed to get ready for the evening so, we settled the check and left.

Back in the heights, I had some time to kill, so I played the movie I rented the day before.  I wanted something that said Halloween plus unseasonal snowfall.  And all the titles I got to involved the name Time Burton.  And the one I thought was perfect was Edward Scissorhands.

After reliving the good days of Johnnie Depp and Winona rider as a couple, and Diane Wiest as a reminder of my mother I started to don the Swan again.  Thankfully, my room mate Casey came home just in time to cinch me into my corset and take some snap shots of me.  Then it was back on the late night A train downtown to enter the costume contest at The Ritz.

I arrived at with a splash, everyone agog again at my costume.  I ran into some friends who were to become my cheering section.  About 10 minutes after I got there, I was ushered to the stage for the contest.  The prize, which I thought was $500 cash turned out to be a $200 bar tab.  I definitely could have used the cash more, but when I start drinking again, that could definitely come in handy.

My only real competition in the contest was this one man dressed as Winnie Sanderson, the Bette Midler character from Hocus Pocus.  I mean, his costume was only mediocre, and his wig was all sorts of wrong, but he was queening out to no end and had fire coming from his hands.  It came down to me and him.  And in the grand style of RuPaul we were forced to lip sync for our lives.  Winnie, of course got "I Put a Spell on You" from her movie.  A random song was chosen for me.  I felt gypped until the song started playing.  Bad Romance by Lady Gaga, a song that thanks to ICONS I just happened to know all the lyrics and most of the choreography to. 

Winnie was turned into dust.I won the contest and was once again, the belle of the ball. 

After winning, I went to the bar to collect my prize.  And in the interest of this blog, and honesty, I feel like I should disclose that in celebration of my victory and a long weekend en pointe, I had a drink and a shot.  Johnnie Walker Black on the rocks from the bar, and shot of Jagermeister from the owner's apartment upstairs from the bar. 

Yes I fell short of my goal of a month with no drinking, but I didn't really fall short of the intentions that started this sabbatical.  I wanted to stop drinking till I could control myself.  And that night, I did.  I had my drink and my shot and I stopped.  I didn't even feel buzzed. 

I wish I could say the same for Daniel.  Apparently he kept drinking from the moment I left him.  And by the time I saw him again, he was completely gone.  After witnessing him embarrass someone who was allegedly a former fellatio recipient of his, and changing locations to another gay bar, I finally convinced Daniel around 3AM that it was time to go home.  And as much as Daniel's sloppiness was a little annoying, I definitely took full advantage of his legendary drunken generosity and accepted him buying pizza for us, and paying for a cab ride home.

After slipping of my now practically destroyed pointe shoes and using 5 to 6 makeup wipes, I decided that even though day 19 was actual Halloween, I had blown my wad on days 17 and 18.  Guess I should get some candy for the kids.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: South Park
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: (aside from the alcohol) Coke Zero

Day 17

So having those two slices of pizza bit me in the ass this morning around 8:30AM.  I woke up with the worst gas bubble and other GI problems that I won't go into as to not gross out the three readers of this blog.

After taking care of that and completely swearing off late night cheese, I fell back asleep.  When I woke up, I looked out the window to see the massive blizzard that for some reason was happening on October 29th.  And when I mean blizzard, I mean BLIZZARD!  I apparently missed the really heavy wind that I would later learned de-branched a lot of the trees I pass on the way to the subway.  But the snow was falling outside with no plans of stopping until late in the night.

See, normally, I would enjoy the view, make some cocoa or soup and settle in with a nice snow themed movie like Edward Scissorhands.  And while I did all that, it also occurred to me that tonight was the Saturday before Halloween, and I had a party to attend later that evening.  Now this wouldn't be a problem if I was doing the normal gay/teenage girl thing and wearing revealing clothing and animal ears, because with that you can choose your shoe options and I would have just worn my Marc Jacobs galoshes.  But this year, as I've mentioned, I'm going epic.  And to step outside as Black Swan in my pointe shoes and soak them in freshly driven snow would ruin my shoes, my Halloween, and my chances at winning any costume contests. 

I went outside to see just how bad getting around would be.  That and I still needed a few last minute items for my costume that I knew could be found at Beauty 35 in midtown.  Had i tnot been snowing, I probably would have explored somewhere closer, but since 34th street is a straight shot on the A, I decided to just go with what I know.  When I was outside, I noticed the snow was sticking, and there was no way to not walk through it on the way to the subway.  Strike one.  I also noticed that as it usually is when snow happens, it was freezing outside.  Strike two.  And once I got downtown, I realized that on the Saturday before Halloween in the freezing cold and snow, that available cabs were hard to find.  Strike three.

But I wasn't out.  When I got back to my apartment I briefly considered just going the gay/teen girl way and donning my wrestling singlet again this year.  It would definitely be a hit at the gay house party of two confidants I met in PTown.  But no.  I had spent way too much time and more money than I care to admit on this costume.  I wasn't gonna let some fucking nor'easter make me leave it in the closet for another night.

So, after making some last minute additions to the costume to make it that much more perfect, and inviting some friends up to the far north part of the island to help cinch me into my costume, I strapped some Ziplock bags to my feet and the three of us headed to the train around 10PM.

The bags did a good job of stopping the snow from ruining my shoes until they ripped through.  Luckily when we got out of the subway, we miraculously found a cab right away.  Thank you Great Pumpkin!  We got to the party and it was in full swing.  Gary and Miguel's place was GORGEOUS!  Like one of those apartments you see on Sex and the City or Gossip Girl or some other show that displays the richer 10% of the people of New York City, never showing you the hovels us lay people live in.  Huge building on a top floor with gorgeous art and gorgeous views.  And of course a fully stocked top shelf open bar with a gorgeous bartender. 

While I was distracted by the sickening beauty of the apartment, the rest of the guests were distracted by the sickening beauty of my costume.  Everyone agreed that I had done it to a T and that me being able to bourree en pointe was the icing on the cake. 

My friends and I had great conversations with good looking and well off gays some of whom were dressed in very little.  I didn't mind the view at all, but I had a sneaking suspicion that this party could go one of two ways. Way one: Everyone has a good time, gets pretty drunk and goes about the rest of their night appreciating the free buzz they got.  Way two: Everyone has a good time, gets pretty drunk, and realizes that there are a bunch of good looking almost naked gays in the room and an orgy ensues. I felt myself being on the outside of both of these possibilities because I wasn't drinking and I was dressed as a ballerina.  Whenever I'm in drag, sex is such the last thing in my mind, that I almost forget that I ever do it.  But even so, I was hoping for way one just so I didn't have to make a quick and awkward exit.

I continued wandering around the party, posing for pictures, and getting amazing praise for my costume, my makeup, and my dancing ability.  I was pretty sure that my plan had worked and that I had won Halloween again this year.  At around 1:30AM I felt vindicated enough to go home.  That and one of my friends I brought to the party was on his way to wasted, and I thought it best to extradite him before an orgy maybe happened.  I said my goodbyes to my generous hosts,grabbed some Duane Reade bags for my feet from the kitchen, and headed downstairs.

As I was going down in the elevator, I came to the conclusion that an orgy probably was not going to happen after we left.  Some ladies had shown up, and drag queens tend to take the air out of people's tires.  Even ones dressed as amazingly as I was.

As we were waiting for my friend to flag down a cab outside, another party guest entered the lobby to head upstairs.  The guest was Raphael Alencar.  A gay porn star, and one of my favorites at that.  He druggedly said we should come back upstairs.  Maybe I was wrong.

As I got back into my place and took some shots of my costume with my computer, I realized it was the second open bar in a row that I had not succumbed to.  And tonight there would be no cheese to wake my up at an early hour the next morning either.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: The Last Exorcism
Non-alcoholic drink of the night: Bedtime tea with honey

Day 16

I got behind on posts again.  It was Halloween weekend and I was out late a lot of nights. 

So let's start again at Friday, Day 16.

I started by waking up early with my house guest to take a 10:30AM ballet class.  I really like Beth Goheen's class at that time.  It's just easy enough so I can concentrate on placement and really working my body, and just challenging enough to not be boring.  It's a great way to start the day.

After my class, I went to the gym and worked legs and shoulders.  It's a little taxing to have a ballet class, and then go work my legs.  In fact I started to feel a tightness in my right hip.  It's one of the more common places that freezes up on me.  The soaz.  It starts right at the bottom right of my abs and connects to the inner part of hip.  When that freezes up, it's not great.  So while I was working my legs, I had to continually do this awkward looking stretch that looks like I'm trying to bite my own ass with my right arm in the air.  It made me very popular with the mid-day on-lookers at the gym.

After the gym, a steam and a shower, I headed home to let my house guest back into the apartment.  See, my landlord is being as landlords do, and refusing to give a shit that we need an extra key to the front door of my building.  So Daniel and I have been having to co-ordinate schedules to make sure that neither one of us is stranded outside in the increasing cold.  Currently, he only has a few days left in my place, so it's not a major deal, but still.  I guess the next time I need something done, I'm going to have to call everyday.  And maybe learn more Spanish.

Once I was back uptown I realized that poor Nomi Malone Ringler: Miss Kitty Fantastico (my cat) was out of wet food.  And since the food I buy for her is organic and only sold in certain stores, it's not available in the glamorous discount-shopping neighborhood in which I live.  So, it was back downtown to throw some money at an over-priced midtown pet boutique.  And while I was there, I picked up a new toy and some tennis balls for me and my frozen up soaz.

Then it was back uptown to get ready for an event I was invited to.  I dressed up in my favorite suit with a purple and black striped shirt and orange tie for an autumn feel.  Normally I don't get so dressy for "events" but it's not often that they include a celebrity appearance by one miss Brooke Shields.  So of course, I had to put on my Sunday best.

The part was for her getting her portrait painted on the Wall of Fame at Hurley's.  The cast of The Addams Family was there as were a few of my friends, and not to mention an open bar!  When the party was in full swing Brooke went to the front and unveiled her portrait which was lovely.  She was being ushered into restricted locations as to avoid the celebrity hangers-on (me).  But she looked great and was as social as her body guards let her be.

After she left, the party petered out and I continued hanging with my friends.  And I am proud to say, I only had diet cokes.  It was a free bar, and I was 16 days into sobriety, and I had diet cokes!  Go me and self control!

Granted, I had two slices of pizza before hopping the slow moving 1 train home.  But it was another successful night out on the town, rubbing elbows with a celebrity, and not drinking.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: South Park
Non-Alcoholic beverage of the night: Diet Coke

Day 15

Half a month done.  And it wasn't that hard.

The thing about my drinking is, I can control it.  I just choose not to most of the time.  I'm thinking that's what it's like with a lot of people.  They can stop drinking if they want to.  Most people don't want to.  After all drinking is fun, and a social, and not too harmful if you take it easy.

I do concede, however, that it can go to a level that you can't "just say no" to.  If one is drinking morning, noon, and night, and therefore never in a truly sober state, then that's a problem.  Once you become physically addicted and you can't go without it without experiencing withdrawal symptoms, that's a problem. 

I've never gotten to those states above, possibly because I keep myself in check with these little sabbaticals, and I probably do that because I'm always worried I WILL get to those states above, and I'm worried about that because I'm always anxious about the future, which is the reason I'm in therapy currently.

I wish I could just go with the flow, and not worry about things so much, but as I'm finding out, my left side of my brain works overtime.  Always thinking and analyzing what could be.  But at the same time, I'm glad that I have a well developed left side.  My paranoia about alcoholism keeps me in check, just the same way my paranoia about diseases makes me have safe sex always and ask people about their status, even when I'm stinking drunk.

I've done half a month.  I can do another.  And I'm definitely slimming out. :)

Today I woke up to moderate rain outside.  When you live 140 blocks away from midtown, it's hard enough to get your "get up and go" in the best of weather, let alone when you have to throw on your Marc Jacob galoshes, and drag a soggy umbrella with your burrough bag everywhere you walk.


So the majority of the day was spent doing household stuff.  No cookie baking today, though I may have eaten a couple.  OK, three. I sewed up some pajamas and found a way to watch some free Showtime online.

When my house guest for the week woke up, he informed me that he thought he had a cold.  So, I headed to the pharmacy to buy some Theraflu for him and Airborne for me.  I ain't getting sick when my agent informs me that the callbacks for Chicago are scheduled for November 11th.  Don't know if I got a callback, but hey, there's still hope.

After lazing about too much, and ordering Chinese food, I realized that if I didn't do something at least a little productive today, I would feel like a complete failure as a human being, not to mention an actor/artist.  So I went to the gym.  And I had a pretty good workout.  Pecs, tris, abs and cardio.  All in all it made me feel better, or at least good about not wasting my day.

On my way home, I grabbed a few final things for my Halloween costume, and a pumpkin to carve.  My now feeling better house guest and I popped in Hocus Pocus and made a good looking Jack-O-Lantern.  It looks like it's gonna be a good Halloween.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: (null) DVD - The Exorcism of Emily Rose
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Bedtime tea with honey

Day 14

2 weeks in.  Decanters filled with liquor.  My liver still empty of it.

Today was a relaxing day.  A little too relaxing, actually.  I like having some time on my hands, but too much time, reminds me of the less then stellar condition of my career these days.  Especially when I e-mailed my agent to ask for feedback on the Chicago audition, and I've still yet to hear back.

So, I distracted myself.

I started by relaxing with my electronic devices. A bluray plus some chat with my friend, Danny, online.  It was then that I had an idea.

My room mate received some bad news last night.  And I thought I would get my bake on to try and cheer him up.  I try not to do anything half-assed when I bake.  Nothing premixed.  It's more fun that way.  Feels like you actually create something.  So, after finding a great chocolate chip cookie recipe online, and getting some advice from Danny, I headed to the market.

I got back and followed the recipe exactly.  The key to baking is precision.  When you cook there's wiggle room, when you bake, there isn't.  And my recipe produced 24 big, beautiful and delicious cookies.  I left them in my room mate's room hoping they'd brighten his day a little.

All the baking time made my gym window a little too small, so instead, I cleaned up around the house.  On another day I could have done both the gym and cleaning, but this evening a friend had scored some tickets to a show I was wanting to see.  Follies on Broadway.  So I cleaned myself and the dishes and headed downtown.

Follies was great!  And not just because it was a well thought out and performed production by my friends as well as Broadway veterans.  Because it was a big, beautiful, emotional Broadway show about people in the theatre. The dancing, the songs, and the stars all reminded me of one thing: I love the theatre.  I love the whole experience of it.  And it's what I want to do for the rest of my life.  Performing was my first love, and it will most likely be my last. 

It was good to see this show after a day that I had been discouraged about the business.  Yesterday reminded me of the hard and sometimes ugly side of the business: basically begging people to like you enough to give you a job.  Tonight reminded me of the sheer joy and passion you feel when you're doing what you've loved to do your whole life.

I'm so glad I got to see this show, and go backstage to congratulate my friends on the great job they did, and shake Bernadette Peters' hand. 

Now if only I wasn't stood up tonight, I might have faith in another type of love.  Ah well.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Desperate Housewives
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Sleepy Time tea with honey

Day 13

Again, late.  But no drinking.

Tuesday was the day of an audition.  A good audition.  A good audition to me is one where I'm right for the show, I like the choreography, and I'm on the radar of the creative staff.  And if I happen to know and remember the choreography, all the better.

I set my alarm for 8AM to have enough time to do my morning routine of cooking breakfast while I watch something on Hulu+ on my iPad.  I may have snoozed till 8:30AM, so I had to rush a little bit, so I may have only finished 3/4 of an episode of Desperate Housewives. 

I headed out the door around 9:20AM and got downtown a little before 10AM.  It's a good thing the audition was at 11AM so after going to the wrong studio, I had time to walk to the right one.

11AM came and went.  They were running behind as the girls were first at 10AM.  We didn't get seen until around noon.  We were taught the combo in about 10 minutes and then had to perform it in groups of three for the casting director and two of the creative staff.  That was the moment I'm glad I had a little previous knowledge of the combo, because a few of the guys were a little upset that we were taught so fast.  I gotta say, I would have been too.

But I guess all was good.  I got asked to come back and sing.  And after lunch with a friend, I came back at my allotted time to sing the song I had rehearsed twice in the past week, just for this audition.  Again they were running late, and I would be too if they went too far over my 3:40PM slot; I had a therapy appointment at 4PM.  I asked to be seen sooner, and the monitor obliged.  I sang, and got a polite thank you.

That's it?

I thought I did pretty well.  Probably the most confident I could be, given that it's an area I'm not confident in at all.  I know they were rushing through, and that could be why no other feedback was given.  Or maybe they weren't looking for my type.  Or maybe they weren't looking for any immediate replacement boys that day.  Nevertheless, I was upset and it got me down.

I certainly had a lot to discuss with my therapist.

The truth is, I put a lot of weight into this audition.  It would have been perfect timing to get this caliber of job right now.  And in a show I would love to do.  The only downside would be that there's someone in the cast that I have a little drama with.  But we're both big boys, I'm sure we could be ok.  All week I had been secreting getting the job, even writing myself notes to inspire my energy to manifest the job for me.  Needless to say, I really want this one.

If there are any call backs, I'm sure they'll make them known in the next day or two.

After therapy, I went to the gym and took my friend's dance class.  It's a fun class that lets me pretend I'm a black woman for an hour.  After the class I got a headache.  Maybe it was dehydration, maybe it was frustration over the day's events, maybe it was a lack of carbs.  Whatever the reason, a headache was there and making me feel shitty.  So as much as I tried to work out, it wasn't very effective.  So I headed home, picking up some groceries for dinner along the way.

At home I made a low carb dinner of brown rice fuccili with a ground turkey in a red sauce, topped off with a high carb snack of pretzels and hummus.

To try and alleviate my headache, I gave myself a facial mask, and settled in for the night, glad that the following day I had NOTHING to wake up early for.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Xena: Warrior Princess
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Sleepy Time tea with honey

Day 12

A little late in posting about Day 12.  Only by 24 hours.  But it's been a busy couple days.

Monday was jam packed with activities for yours truly.  To start I had a lunch date with a friend.  We chatted and caught up, and he picked up the tab.  A successful lunch indeed. 

After that, I was supposed to meet a friend who is staying with me for the week.  He however missed his bus in Philly because, as he put it, he woke up hung over next to a 21 year old of non descript ethnicity.  So I continued on with my day.

Next I was to have a voice lesson to prepare for my audition on Tuesday.  My degree is in dance, so i don't have as much training in voice.  I think I've always had a good voice, at least that's what I've been told.  But it's time to start learning how to use it properly.  Proper placement, breath control, all that stuff, so that hopefully I won't have to rely on my dancing skills for the rest of my career.  Let's face it, my knees/ankles/hips/general LEGS are gonna go eventually.  Gotta start cultivating the other talents.  Then the problem becomes getting known as more than just a dancer.  But, so far so good.  My voice lesson went well and I felt more or less prepared to kick ass at my audition. 

My friend, Daniel, finally got into town after my voice lesson, so I met up with him and handed off my keys.

After that, I went to a rehearsal for ICONS New York.  There's not need for too much rehearsal as we're a returning cast.  The only problem is, some of the people are returning from the first year.  We've done a whole other summer since then, with some new additions.  So, it's my job to catch the old alums up with the new alums.  And that task started yesterday, and like my voice, slowly but surely it's all being laid out.

Do from wake up, 9AM, to end of rehearsal, 9PM I really didn't stop moving.  The subway ride home was a welcome time of rest from carrying my heavy borough bag from place to place.

When I got home, Daniel was there and we caught up like two cackling hens as I made dinner.  Ended up staying up a little later than I had planned, and had to rush myself to bed in order to get enough rest for my audition the next day.  That's why I didn't write last night.  I know some of you may have thought that maybe I indulged in my newly filled decanters, but alas, I did not.  Just a simple mocktail, a paleo dinner, Hulu+ blazing on the flat screen and copious amounts of girl talk.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: South Park
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: POM juice with club soda in a red wine glass

Day 11

So aside from cleaning and shopping for groceries to try and be healthier today, I did something that could possibly be bad for my sobriety.

I refilled my decanters.

I know, I know.  If I'm trying to walk the straight and narrow, why would I dangle the temptation in front of my face, especially in the form of Gentleman's Jack, Grey Goose, and 100% Agave Tequila poured into pretty glass Crate and Barrel decanters?

I will start off by saying that the Grey Goose is not my fault.  Number 1, I'm a Ketel One fella, and Number 2, I didn't buy it.  Last night at the Model Bartenders' gig, my fellow model bartender, former sub leaser and friend, Mark told me that before he moved out of my room in September, he put some left over Grey Goose in an empty two liter club soda bottle and left it in the refrigerator.  If I liked club soda more, I probably would have discovered this when I was still drinking. 

I checked the bottle this morning, and sure enough, the smell of top shelf wafted out of the plastic bottle.  I poured it into the empty decanter that I normally use for vodka and it filled it right to the top.  I sat it down and looked at the picture I saw.  I saw one out of three decanters filled next to the flowers and vase I swiped from the wedding reception.  The picture seemed incomplete.  Especially when I backed up and looked at the entire bar.  It seemed like a shrine to a god or goddess that was no longer worshiped or relevant.  It seemed a superfluous fixture in my spacious Fort Tryon apartment.  It just wasn't cool anymore.

I first set up that bar because it's my personal belief that every bachelor pad should have a proper bar.  It just makes sense for the single man to have an area for entertaining when he brings friends or a date over.  It's classy and classic. 

And that is why I decided to restock it.  For vanity reasons and for guests.  And so far so good.  Since I filled the decanters 9 and 1/2 hours ago, I've completely forgotten about it!  Not true, of course, but I have resided the decanters to company.  It's hospitable of me to have liquor available to my guests should they want some.  They'll have my jack, I'll have my tea, and all will be right with the world.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Desperate Housewives
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Chamomile tea with Emergen-C

Day 10

I'm a little late in posting about my 10th day of sobriety, but it was for a good reason.

After a lame gig last Wednesday with my new semi-employers, I got my first taste of what it's really like to be a cater waiter.  I worked a wedding reception.  It was me and 9 or 10 other waiters/bartenders who took the orders, poured wine and water, and brought and took away food.

The funny thing is, serving is something I've never done before either.  I may have exaggerated a little about my skills to the people at Model Bartenders.  I didn't lie per say.  They assumed that I had experience in the service industry, and I didn't refute that. The truth is I have had experience at a restaurant.  As a host.  I stood at the front, smiled and walked people to their seats.  Honestly, with a company called Model Bartenders I never thought I'd have to do more than that.   But nope, last night was my first night as a waiter.

It's funny though.  As I was helping set up, I started imagining myself as Bree Van De Camp setting up for one of her high end parties for the social elite.  Making sure every tablecloth was centered on every table, always walking around with poise and grace with a pleasant smile on my face.  All of my gigs are turning into acting exercises.  And I gotta say, I think I pulled off the part well.  From 3PM to 12:30AM I walked and served and smiled.  And I only spilled and broke one thing!  The thing I spilled and the thing I broke were two separate things, but hey it was my first day.

And the whole time, I didn't drink.  The liquor was EVERYWHERE and so many people at my table left their wine glasses full all night, but I threw it all in the slop bucket.  I was so fascinated by the slop bucket.  It's a bucket that you pour the excess liquor in before you put the glasses back into the lugs for the sanit crew (look at all the new words I learned).  By the end of the night, it is filled with the grossest mix of all kinds of liquor and mixers and coffee that you can imagine.  I thought it would be hilarious to place "sip from the slop bucket" as a wager in a bet.  I thought I wouldn't get the chance to do that.  I was happily surprised when the DJ started playing "More Money, More Problems" during our dinner break.

The extremely gorgeous bartender who set up all the bars that night, who was a model, but not from Model Bartenders, said that he thought someone from the wedding party was actually on the mic rapping along to the song, and that it wasn't P. Diddy (or Puff Daddy as he was known when the song came out) singing on the track.  It was obvious to everyone but Matt, the EXCEEDINGLY gorgeous bartender that it was indeed Mr. Combs voice on the track, because all of us had heard it at least 275 times before.  So, since the opportunity was there, I bet the drop-dead-gorgeous bartender a sip of the slop bucket that it was P. Diddy voice, and not a drunken Puerto Rican on the live mic.

I'd like to report that Matt, the man I fantasized about last night as I fell asleep, accepted my wager, but that was way too rich for his blood.  I was so disappointed.  Not because I wanted my future husband/manstress to get meningitis, but because it would have been hilarious, and a much better end to this story.  Unless he actually did get meningitis, in which case, I would be a grieving widow right now.

All in all, it was an EXHAUSTING evening.  My feet were in such pain by the end.  Between setup, service and tear down, I must have walked the stairs at least 100 times.  My legs and back were burning by the end of the night.  All of these reasons are why I did not feel bad about indulging in the catered food leftovers for dinner and snacks.  I even had a handful of wedding cake.

And though I don't feel like making this a career option for me, I definitely have a new found respect for people in the service industry.  I've always respected my fellow actors/servers, but I have never been in their shoes.  It's not easy, and it can be down right terrible.  Luckily my table was pretty nice, and I was making a catering, not minimum wage.  For those people who do that for minimum, I would wash your feet with my hair if you need.  For those of you who don't get that reference, #1 you're not my friend anymore, #2 listen to some new Gaga and get back to me.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Desperate Housewives/Xena: Warrior Princess.
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Cranberry juice with soda water.

Day 9

Yeah, Paleo didn't happen today either.

I think it has to do with the fact that I need to go grocery shopping.  I didn't buy the Paleo food I needed, so my laziness took over.  When push comes to shove, I usually go for what's most convenient.  Today that convenience was in the form of oatmeal in lieu of the eggs I didn't have for breakfast, and a burrito delivered right to my door for lunch.

Tomorrow should be better.  I work half the day so I won't be able to eat anything!... except the catered food.  Dammit!

My other exciting event for the day was a date.  Yes, a date.  I met this gentleman online a couple years ago and we tried to get together a few times.  It didn't work at the time because I was gainfully employed and therefore on the opposite schedule of everyone else in the world, especially a teacher.

But we stayed in touch.  And this summer, he like so many other homos, made the pilgrimage to Provincetown, MA.  We recognized each other and hung out drunkenly in an alley late one night.  The next day he came to see me naked in my show.  We went on another date while he was there for the week, and then he had to leave.  We stayed in touch again, and when I was sufficiently settled in the city, we planned to meet.

Tonight was that meeting.  We were to meet at 8PM, after he met up with some friends who were visiting from out of town.  I extended it to 8:30PM, after my attempts to Bree Van De Camp my apartment today took longer than expected.  When I got off the subway a little before 8:30PM, a text message was waiting for me asking to meet me at the bar where his friends were.  I got to Boxers, I looked through the crowd for my friend and was about to text him again when I saw him.  He proceeded to hug me strongly and tell me that he had been drinking with his friends for two hours and was 4 drinks in. 

Being the professional drinker I am, and knowing that the queens in this town don't pour NEARLY as heavy as my lesbian bartender Renee at The Post Office Cabaret, I could have had 4 drinks in me, and still had a lovely date.  This guy, however, was a light weight, which was surprising considering his breadth.  He was very apologetic through his drunkenness, and was worried I would judge him.  Honestly, if I were on liquor I probably would have just caught up with him.  But because I was sober, the novelty of his state grew a little tiresome.

But it wasn't all bad.  I got to drive his car.  We had a nice dinner at Elmo, and some good (albeit aggressive) body contact.  And we ended the night parting ways on good terms, me promising to give him another chance for a date, and him saying he would cook for me next time.

I honestly think he's a good guy, just had two conflicting nights planned for the same night.  Get drunk with your buddies vs. make good impression on a date.  If I were him, I would have rescheduled with me and just partied it up with my friends, but I applaud his attempts, and expect a yummy Paleo dinner.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: South Park
Non-alcoholic beverage of the night: Peach iced tea crystal light

Day 8

So today I cheated.

No, not on the liquor front, but on the carb front.  I blatantly started the day with the two scrambled eggs, coffee with coconut milk, and a bowl of oatmeal with almond butter and agave nectar.  I know, I know, I said no carbs.  But I was good the rest of the day.  I had a salad before the gym, a zero carb protein shake after, and then my Breath Destroyer* this evening.  I am having a bit of honey in my tea right now, but I think that's within my boundaries.

The oatmeal was bad, but at least a good bad.  At my meeting tonight, I was surrounded by free liquor AND pretzels, but I did not indulge.  I sipped my venti sugar-free vanilla americano, and was all business, no indulgence.  Although I'm sure the venti americano wasn't good for my sleeping issues.  It's also probably the rason my house got so clean this evening.

Back to the meeting.  Tonight I met with Tom and Michael, my producers who gave me my jobs this summer, to discuss one of them transferring to a venue a little closer to home: The Snapple Center on 50th street and Broadway.  Yes, that's right kids, ICONS, our little drag show that could, is coming to the Big Apple.  I gotta say, I'm excited.  I'll be performing in probably three late-night shows on the weekends, so even when I get another Broadway gig (I'm trying the confidence thing these days) I'll be able to rush over to the Snapple Center and jump onstage behind my queens and have fun!

Maybe ICONS will be a hit, and maybe it won't.  But in the meantime, it will be fun.  And it will be an accomplishment.  Something I helped to create will be going up near Times Square.  It feels pretty good.  An ex-boyfriend of mine and I once joked that we would move back to Florida (his home state) and open a club like in The Birdcage.  He would manage and I would, star, or at least direct.  Now, it's kindof happening, minus the boyfriend and the Sunshine State.

Maybe it's the lack of booze, or the increasing opportunities, but I'm feeling very optimistic recently.  Maybe all these good turns in my life are breeding a little more confidence.  Maybe it's the oatmeal in the morning.  Things are a little more sunny these days, despite the increasingly cold weather.

*Recipe for the Breath Destroyer
-2 cans of tuna
-EVOO
-Minced garlic
-Black pepper
-Half an avocado (optional)
-Some chopped kale (optional)

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Desperate Housewives
Non-alcoholic drink of the night: Loose leaf passion green tea with honey

Day 7

One whole week!  Done it before, and I'll do again, but the week mark always feels like an accomplishment.

And since it's been a week, the time has come to stop substituting one dependency for another.  Tomorrow I begin my Paleo diet again.  I can't follow it to the T because I'm poor still.  So I just follow the basics.  No wheat, beans or dairy.  Usually, the hardest part is the dairy for me.  I LOVE me some cheese!  But, getting back to the number one reason I gave up liquor (VANITY) I need to stop destroying the good work I'm doing to my body with the lack of booze by chowing down on carbs.  So, the pizza I ate tonight was my last taste of crust and cheese for a while.

My first model bartender gig tonight went pretty well.  I met up with my fellow model bartenders at a car rental place on 37th street.  The event was to be a Benjamin Moore presentation at a West Elm in Paramus.  There were four of us in the van, an Italian, a Russian, a black guy and me.  We were meeting another at the venue.  The five of us got there, waited around for an hour and a half, set up glasses on a table, and waited for the 30-50 people to arrive.

It was weird.  I've never waited or tended bar, or catered or anything.  And I was definitely the only one out of these attractive men who didn't list "model" as a career objective on their resume (do models have resumes?) Not to mention, from what I could tell, I was the only gay one.  I felt like the odd man out.  Actually that's not true, I kinda felt like I was Mariska Hargitay as Detective Benson going undercover to infiltrate a dangerous serial rapist connected to this Model Batenders company.  I fit in like a glove but still observed the different personalities and asked probing questions.  Well, maybe my questions weren't probing, but being the only gay and the only performer, I played the entertainer to pass the boring uneventful hours.

At the end of the night, I served food then ate some leftovers, served wine, but didn't drink it, and made $20/hour.  All in all, not a bad night.

Here it goes.  Cold turkey.  No carbs.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Desperate Housewives
Non-alcoholic drink of the night: Green tea with honey

Day 6

I had a very interesting day today.

It started out with a phone call from Model Bartenders confirming my gig for tomorrow, while I was preparing for my audition today.

Then I got a text from my old friend Mike.  He asked me if I was going to the 10 year reunion (OY!) I replied I wasn't going and he said he was.  He told me he'd take pictures.

Mike was one of the reasons I gave up liquor this past Spring.  He fell into some trouble with the drink in the recent past.  So much that he went to jail for a DWI.  He lost his job.  His wife left him, and took the kids.  Even that didn't stop him from drinking.  But it sure made me take a look at myself. 

I asked him if he was sober now.  He said he was.  I told him I was.  And we started talking about how tough it is, but ultimately really good for you.  He's at least a month ahead of me in sobriety, and I'm so glad to hear it, cause honestly, with all his problems, he has quite the excuse to fall in the bottle.  His father drank and was always bouncing from job to job, has been through at least two marriages, and from what I can tell still drinks. Mike was just following his father's example, and for awhile didn't see any way how to NOT follow him.  He figured he would just become his father, and there was no way out. 

That always hurt me so much because when we were young, he was someone I looked up to.  He's a brilliant mechanic, and loves to work with cars.  He and his father taught me how to change a tire.  And he would talk to no end about cars.  Me being me, I couldn't listen to car talk all day long, so eventually zoned out, but it was clear he loves it.  I really hope he finds that love again and uses it to make a career because I think he could be brilliant at it.

I still look up to Mike.  If he can face his addiction, I can certainly cut back for as long as it takes to gain some perspective.

I was glad to hear from Mike.  And I was also glad that this morning I found an in-plan gay psychologist with a dancer for his partner.  Could there be anyone more suited to hear and help me deal with my issues?  I had my first session with him today.  I'm going again next week.

Progress.

Week mark tomorrow.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Law and Order: Special Victim's Unit
Non-alcoholic drink of the night: Peach Iced Tea Crystal Light

Day 5

One more day down.  And a few things to report.

First, I posted on here last night that I was bored.  Bored with nothing to do.  Then low and behold, today I get a call from the freelance catering service I signed up for the other day: Model Bartenders.  I now have a possible gig on Wednesday from 3-8 doing two things I've never done before, model and tend bar.

Second, after going to the gym, and seeing a bunch of actual models working out, and then coming home, and seeing the status updates of good looking facebook friends and their careers and families, I REALLY wanted a bottle of wine.  But the good news is, I finally admitted one of my drinking triggers:  INSECURITY!

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE when my friends are successful, and even when they're beautiful.  But there's the young, fat, unpopular kid in me that always sees those successes and that beauty as something I will never have.  And I know, I look in the mirror these days and can admit that I'm an attractive guy, and I've been on frickin' BROADWAY for crying out loud!  But when the career is in a valley, or by body is a little out of whack, that kid starts to try to pull me down again.  And when he gets too loud, I usually try to silence him with the sauce.

So how do I silence him without it?  You do the harder thing.  You talk yourself down from the tree.  You remind yourself that you are good looking and you were on frickin' Broadway.  And if you did it once, you can do it again.  It's just gonna take some work.  Some of that work will be taking jobs that aren't as glamorous to pay the rent.  Some of it will be taking classes.  And some of that work is staying away from the bottle for a little bit.  But most of it will be believing.  It's hard to believe in yourself when the fat kid is bringing you down.  But it's the only thing that will bring you back up.

Netflix/Hulu+ of the night: Desperate Housewives
Non-alcoholic drink of the night: Loose-leaf passion green tea with honey